I am not sure how to deal with this.  There is no book or learning module on how to deal with and accept cancer.  It is a word that people hear you say, then withdraw from you because, really, what can they say?  When I say, “My husband has cancer…”, it seems people step back speechless.  All they can say is that they are so sorry.  Well they don’t bring it up in conversation.  It is like it is a part of my life (it is my life) that is excluded from conversations.  Someone could ask, “How are you feeling and dealing with this?”  or say, “I know I can’t truly know how you must feel, but I am here and am very willing to listen”.  It isn’t going away.  It doesn’t stop being my reality.  Yet, I feel that everyone I know acts as though it is a minimal part of my life and gives it no major place as part of who I am.  After all, once Cancer comes into your life, it becomes a huge part of who you are.  It is a huge unfortunate occurrence, yet it defines who I am.  I am a woman who has a husband.  He is the man I love.  He is my other half.  I am a woman who says in her mind countless times each day and night, “My husband has cancer…”

110 comments on “Cancer

  1. My daughter has cancer and I am dedicating my work on our organic farm to helping people understand that our lives, created by big companies who only care about money, are making us suffer and get diseases.

    Coal, asbestos, cigarettes and chemical synthetics in food plus the daily stress can cause havoc on humans.

    • I agree. So many of us are blind to what money and greed of others are doing to cause harm to humanity. Bless you and good luck with your works. You are in my prayers. Life throws hardships at us, but keeping faith is our only commandment and rule from the words of God that we are obliged to follow and stick to.

  2. Thank you for following my blog 😉
    I wonder what may happen if you go a level deeper?
    After you identify yourself as a woman..
    A woman with a husband…
    A woman with a husband with cancer…

    What if all of those external circumstances where stripped away? What if you were not defined by your gender, your relationship, your job, your other life fortunes and misfortunes… Then how would you identify ‘your Self’ … Who is that human being?
    How is your being?
    I can ask you how you feel, if you are OK…But…
    YOU can ask YOU how you feel too!
    Remember to check in with your being..
    It’s is the tending that is so often forgotten, yet oh so important 😉
    Extending friendship,

    • Trust me. I have been stripped. I know who I am. I’ve gone to every corner of the square until I realized a square is not where to look. The circle is where there is truth and I have been around it and closed it. No details needed. Just wondering what prompted such a question? I feel as odd as my answer may sound, it fits for the oddness I felt about the question as presented. That was just an awful big question, to be thought of and intended just for me. It shocked me, but I get it. Yes, I know where I stand if I am stripped of every outside factor that defines me. At the deepest level, human beings were made to have interactions and if everything is stripped at the end of the tunnel it all equals one think. FAITH

  3. Hi Laura, thanks for noticing my blog! I am so so sorry to hear about your husband. I will definitely keep him and your family in my thoughts. My therapist and I have talked about this, and he says that people minimize the cancer just because it’s a way for them to deal with it better, which is completely unfortunate.
    I’ve found that most people aren’t able to wrap their minds around what it’s like to have cancer, which is one of the main reasons that I decided to start my blog. I understand, and I know that the whole cancer community understands what you are going through and supports you. Good luck, and stay strong.

  4. Thanks for liking Cancer Sucks Again Charity Ride And thanks for being brave and fighting along with this terrible disease. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

  5. You will find on your cancer journey that it evolves. That is often why it is difficult to speak with people who do not understand the depth of emotions you are feeling. They are always changing. Unless you have gone through it, it is hard to understand it. But, take simple offerings of love, concern and intrigue as the best people can do, with the knowledge they have. Cancer will be a part of your life forever. But Cancer will not be who you and your husband are. You will learn a deeper way to see life. Embrace it. It will make your life much more meaningful and blessed. Thank you for taking a peek at my blog. I invite you and your husband to wander through the archives, because there is many fun ways to look at what you are going through. Yep, I even said the word fun! Sending sunshine, hugs and positive energy your way today,

  6. Laura, Sometimes people are waiting for your cue. It shouldn’t be your burden. However, talk about it freely –some people will listen and want to ask but are afraid of being insensitive, others have their owns reasons . As always your words are a powerful reminder to cherish health—take care of yourself. Angela

  7. First, I want to say that my heart goes out to you and your family. I know firsthand what a devastating blow a cancer diagnosis has on an entire family. I have had to be the caregiver when I got the call that my father was eaten up with cancer. He refused to go to the doctor until it was much too late. The majority of the members of my family have died from cancer and that is why I am always at the doctor getting checked out.

    Thank you for visiting my blog. Stay strong! And I know that you and your family are surrounded by those who are there to lift your spirits and shower you with love! Take care!

  8. Laura, First of all let me say that I am so sorry to know that your husband has cancer. That is a hard road to walk with someone. Love each other each and every day and don’t get too far ahead into the future wondering what it will look like. We never have the slightest idea, cancer or no cancer. Take care of yourself, take care of him and be present each step of this glorious life. Thanks too for stopping by my blog. My thoughts are with you both. blessings, jodeen

  9. Thank you for visiting my blog. Cancer just sucks. There is not a better way to say it. I think it teaches people to look at good side of tragic events in our lives. Please take days out and pretend there is no cancer in your life. Easier said than done but it will add richness to your life. You and your husband are in my prayers.

  10. Dear Laura
    Thank you for following It’s Good News Week .. I hope it helps, even if only a tiny bit, with what you’re going through now.
    I just wanted to let you know about a friend of mine who recovered from cancer and has been doing a lot of work in that field .. she has a blog at which I hope may give you and your husband some hope and inspiration.
    Also this video interview with Anita Moorjani I find very uplifting, and hope you both will too ..
    With love

  11. Thank you for following my blog. You are where I was 8 years ago. My husband put up the good fight but ultimately did not survive. I think you have to experience things like this in order to fully understand. People mean well in their wanting to help and in things they say or offer, but until you wear the shoes……hang in there, it will all work out as it is supposed to and you have to believe that. My heart goes out to you and your husband.

  12. Hello Laura, I just joined your blog after I saw you followed mine; thank you kindly. The first post I read from you is, of course, this one, & it smacked me in the face. My father passed from pancreatic cancer, 6 yrs this June.

    I will offer this one bit of advice: constantly project strength & love to you husband; envision white light within & surrounding him. It makes a huge difference, even if you don’t see it. Trust me.

    It’s very difficult…you need to stay strong for him even if you feel like crumbling. Positive thoughts. Positive energy

  13. I am sending healing energy to you and your husband. I know that cancer can bring with it its own sense of isolation. People don’t quite know what to say, and so they say nothing. Please make sure to take care of yourself! I watched my partner suffer right along with me while I was battling cancer, and thought it may have been harder on her than it was on me. I will try to look up some of the resources we found while I was sick, and send them to you. Hugs!

  14. I can relate well to your post, as I saw people pull away when they heard my daughter had cancer, full of sorrow and compassion, not knowing what to say, and often appearing fearful too. I found the (mostly online) support of my family and close friends to be invaluable and necessary. Blessings to you and your husband. I’m glad you’re sharing here in your blog, as we are reading, listening and sending love.

  15. Laura…cancer recently came into my life as well through my father. There are 5 things or additional sources of information I would suggest you look at: the book The Healing Code by Alexander Loyd, the book The Emotion Code by Brad Nelson, the book Kick Your Fat in the Nuts by T.C. Hale, the book The Doctor Who Cures Cancer by William Kelley and essential oils through either DoTerra or, I can’t make any promises and I will soon be testing what I have learned from these books with my father but I believe the information is good. I can tell you that my son-in-law has been treated for a brain tumor within the last two years and using The Healing Code was the only thing that provided relief from intense headaches as they waited for the tumor to die after he had undergone cyberknife treatment. I hope that this information will be beneficial to you.

  16. I have cancer… I have no idea what it is like for a spouse but at times I think it is harder on you then on those of us who have this disease. We are the focus of attention when we go to the doctor. I do experience people “forgetting” that I have cancer because mine is not so obvious nor do I wear my emotions about it on my sleeve. That makes me feel lonely so I can only imagine how it makes you feel. My husband chose to leave our marriage last year… while I have cancer. That was really hard to fathom. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I appreciated your perspective.

  17. Thank you so much for finding and liking my blog. It is good to find another blog from a person who is going through the same thing I am. Your blog is inspirational to me. I find it amazing that you have linked to my blog.

    My best wishes and karma to you, your husband and family. I know that words cannot make things better but it is good to have somebody walking besides you.

    Love Denise

  18. I felt this same way when I was going through cancer. It is the big elephant in the room somedays that people don’t know what to say. Some even avoided talking to me because they didnt know what to say. It becomes a huge part of your life but you can’t let it take over your life. I wanted so bad just to have conversations with everyone like I had prior to knowing I had cancer. I wish you the best, and your husband. Thank you for
    Stopping by my blog.

  19. Laura, I am wishing both you and your husband good karma and healing thoughts. I’m not sure there’s anything anyone can do to make the situation easier, and certainly not a stranger like me. I will say, however, to hold tight to one another and not to be afraid to ask for the kind of help you need from friends and family. As you point out, no one quite knows what to do or say to help. By telling them, you can help them and you and your husband. At least that’s how it was for me, and I hope it will work that way for you. Best wishes to you and your family.

  20. There are so many things to talk about concerning the subject of living with a loved one who has cancer. My first reaction (as usual) is to put on my therapists hat, and give advise. The first tidbit: Don’t forget yourself. Take care of yourself. Caregivers can concentrate on their loved ones so much, they tend to care less for their own well being. If you have to force yourself to pay more attention to your own needs, do it. As a Hypno-therapist, one of the things I work with care givers for is to help them become a little more “selfish”. Treat yourself the best you can……you are awesome! And if you DON’T treat yourself well and YOU get sick…….I’m sure you see where I’m going.
    God bless….you’re fortunate to have each other…

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