Summary of My Current Situation

My story is long and I have been through a lot.  Some of my long time followers know the details.  However, my husband did ask that I delete some of those posts that discussed details of this entire journey right from the beginning.  I was separated from my family and I won’t discuss the details that some have already read about before I removed those posts.  The fact is that I am now back with my family, but in order for that to have happened we had to jump through hoops and are in a financial bind.

The basic problem now is that my husband is only 44 years old and was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer that metastasized to his liver.  The outlook isn’t great and he has been politely informed that he is not a candidate for surgical treatment.  We have two kids together and I have a son who is eleven from a previous relationship.  My husband and I have two daughters ages 1 and 6.  He cries because he won’t see them grow up, graduate, get married, or know his grandkids.  He cries from severe pain.  He has a mass in his colon that is very large and causes severe pain after eating.  His liver is enlarged and causes severe pain.  He gets chemotherapy every other week and brings a bag home hooked to his port for three days.  I have to help him get up, take his shoes on and off, even help him shower because moving around too much causes him so much pain.  When he gets his treatments he can only eat and drink things at room temperature because of one of the medications they use as part of the treatment.

He has stage four colon cancer metastasis to the liver and he hasn’t even reached the age of 50, which is the age they recommend beginning to get a colonoscopy regularly.  I am thirty and have been a stay at home mom for most of our marriage.  I do have a good education (Bachelor degree in health care administration and two associate degrees: one in business management and one in business marketing).  I went through postpartum depression and that is part of the reason we were separated and during that time he found out he had cancer.  We were not permanently separated, just until I got on the right medications.  So, now I am having a hard time getting a job due to my lack of employment history.  My education is on my side and I am hoping to find something soon.

I am not convinced that surgical treatment is out of the question.  Nor am I convinced that he is receiving the best treatment available.  This is likely due to his insurance, which is Medicaid.  The allowable amount for procedures, treatments, surgeries, etc. is very low for Medicaid compared to the regular fee and the allowable amount of other insurance companies.  I have made an appointment with a cancer center that specializes in colon, colorectal, and metastatic cancer to the liver for a surgical evaluation and a second opinion on the proper treatment needed.  However, this evaluation appointment will have to be paid for out of pocket until we change our Medicaid plan.  In Florida Medicaid requires you to choose a plan and use a specific network of providers.  Medicaid has different plans to choose from and I think it is ridiculous.  Medicaid is Medicaid and that should be that.

We are struggling and I have a lot of things I want to post on my blog.  I need advice about how to deal with certain aspects of this such as what to tell the children or not to tell them, etc.  I like to post my feelings through art as you all have seen.  I am trying to figure out what to expect.  I am trying to come to terms with the reality that he could die soon, but I try to believe the survival rates are wrong.  I have read instances where stage four colon cancer with metastasis to the liver has been cured.  I am trying to find the right surgeon and cancer treatment team specializing in just what he has.  I am trying to fix our insurance to see the cancer specialists I have made an appointment with that specialize in this type of cancer.  I want to fix it.  It is difficult when I am trying to fix something and in the back of my mind I have to realize it might not be something that can be fixed.  But, I am going to try and I won’t stop trying.  Thanks for the support of my followers and feel free to comment.  I enjoy comments from those that read my posts.  It lets me know I am not dealing with this alone as I am at least in the thoughts of others.  Much love to all and God Bless You!

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6 comments on “Summary of My Current Situation

  1. Hi. I read your story when Angela Grant reblogged it.

    Sending you positive vibes.

    Two thoughts:

    In addition to medical care,

    1. Have you considered making some Essiac and giving it to him? It is not designed to be a cure, but it does help boost the immune system, which gives him more strength to fight. Many people find it useful.

    2. Are you using resources in prayer and faith healing? A good healer adds energy, like jumpstarting a battery. His body can use the additional energy to correct itself.

    Blessings to you and your family.

  2. Hey Laura. I’ve been out of the blog scene for a little while and wanted to see how you’ve been doing since I posted on one of your blogs last. I don’t know what to say with regard to what I just read. Maybe no words are best for this. All I will say is that the strength you have for yourself, your husband, and your entire family is beyond words. I can’t express that enough. Really, I can’t. I’ll be saying a prayer for you guys and sending love and good vibes your way.

  3. I have never dealt with terminal illness, so I cannot speak directly to your situation. However, I have dealt with my fair share of loss, despair, and struggle through the pain that life can bring to bear on all of us. I have nothing financially to give, but I can give some words of support and encouragement. If any of these do not apply to you, simply disregard.

    How is your support network? There are many, many facets to gather together. People to help with the children, those who can provide words of wisdom and advice, others to simply listen when the day has been particularly hard. Support for many of these aspects can be found online, but only partially. Nothing beats the real physical presence of someone that can not only provide the right words, but the comfort of a hug in addition to simply being there.

    What else do you need? Since this is a new experience, you certainly will not know all the answers to this question. A support group is vital. Again, a physical support group is better than online, but online is better than none. Don’t be afraid to share everything that is going on with you, since everybody there has probably already been through it. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, or to ask for help, since everybody there has dealt with the same fears.

    Nobody knows why, but it is true nonetheless that we learn the most when faced with our greatest struggles and trials. Your blog already reflects that. It is also true that trails can draw us closer to God, if we let them. Draw everything you can from the experience, recognize that this, too, is exhausting, and ask for support for this part as well. No matter the outcome, you will become a better person, blessing others far into the future, and making the statement of God working all things for the good of those who love Him a reality.

    May you be given strength through this journey.

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