Thoughts

I am having many struggles coping with the progression of my husband’s cancer. It feels like my husband and I are walking through a hurricane. I will come out, but I want him to come out of this with me.  It terrifies me, the thought of losing him.  I love him. It is like a part of me is dying too.  As the bible says,  when we are married a man and woman become one flesh. I can’t give up hope and I still believe in God’s healing hand.  I believe in the trinity of Jesus Christ, God,  and the Holy Spirit.  I pray for a miracle and ask for prayer from all of the followers of my blog.  May God bless you all.

MY THOUGHTS ON THE STATUS OF MY BLOG

I am not sure why I have become so scared of judgment based on my own writing.  I can’t keep that up and I won’t.  Writing helps me get through hard times in life.  I know uplifting things that are written are so much better than negative things.  But, my life is full of emotion right now.  Sometimes I feel things that are positive, hopeful, and uplifting and other times I just feel like falling apart.  But, “I AM HUMAN”…  Yes, I am.  I am allowed to feel hopeful and I am also aloud to feel scared and hurt.  So, I’m not trying to please anyone.  This isn’t a contest, competition, or any such.  This is my place to write when I feel down, depressed, fearful, happy, hopeful, cheerful, or whatever.  I have the right to deal with my husband’s cancer with good days and bad days just as I am sure anyone dealing with this does.  Coping with this serious of an illness is NOT EASY and I am still hopeful and still praying for a miracle.  But, honestly, some days it is really hard to face and that is OKAY.  IT IS OKAY.  “I AM HUMAN”.  If this helps me, I don’t care what others think of my feelings because I AM ALOUD TO GET THROUGH THIS MY WAY, which isn’t so unordinary.  A roller coaster of emotions is to be expected when facing cancer with your husband and young children.  My husband has cancer and I am coping and dealing with it healthily. Some days are good and some days are bad.  But it is a journey that can only be taken ONE DAY AT A TIME. AND I AM STILL PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE EVERY SECOND OF THIS DIFFICULT JOURNEY.  

Me

All I want is to be free to be me 

Just how I am without being judged.

I am so tired of caring about what everyone thinks

No one needs to understand me or “get me”

I can never be happy if I live to please others

If I cope with life by writing so be it

Don’t read it or worry about making sense of my uniqueness of expression.

I want to be me
I want to be free
Any person who loves me
Loved me for me

Loved what they saw
Not what others saw
If you love me just please set me free
Let me be free…..so I can finally be ME…Again.

Honesty matters

the truth will set you free !!! A lie is
living a life that doesn’t even truly
exist. Who wants to live a pretend and
fake life? we are all human. we make
mistakes. tell the truth and be
forgiven or if not forgiven, learn from
your mistake and move on. BE REAL!
BE HONEST!

What

What do you do
When what you do is write
But you write to share
But this you can’t share
Why you ask?
Too personnel
Quite embarrassing
Something that everyone would understand
Something everyone would read
Everyone would see it my way
See why it hurts
See why its wrong
See it without flinching
No thinking twice about why
I feel as i do
The problem is clear
The only one who needs to see it
Won’t
Won’t hear it
Won’t read it
Won’t see it my way
Must be a reason why
It hurts
But, I guess all I can do
Is pretend I don’t feel
If the other person can’t see it
I certainly can’t make them
Nor will I force them to say they understand
Just to satisfy my ears
I guess we pretend
Until they speak up
Because they do see
Care
Understand
I never wanted
I never thought
I would live a life
Of pretending something is
That now seems just pretend

Lyrics

I sent this song to my husband when we were apart. He saved the song on his phone and played it for me today. It made me break down into tears. It is so powerful because it perfectly describes what I was feeling when we separated. This was before he found out he had cancer. I posted the lyrics and a link to listen to the song. Please take the time to listen to out. Thanks and much love to all who care and pray for us.

“I Don’t Believe You” by Pink

I don’t mind it
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set and I’m the kid that falls
It’s like the way we fight, the times I’ve cried, we come to blows
And every night the passion’s there so it’s gotta be right, right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No, I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend
To not love me at all

I don’t mind it
I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams when you can’t wake up
Looks like you’ve given up, you’ve had enough
But I want more no I won’t stop
’cause I just know you’ll come around… right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No, I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend
To not love me at all

Just don’t stand there and watch me fall
’cause I, ’cause I still don’t mind at all
It’s like the way we fight, the times I cry, we come to blows
And every night the passion’s there so it’s gotta be right, right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No, I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend
To not love me at all
I don’t believe you

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=26EP0ght2kI

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=26EP0ght2kI