My Prayer Today

Sometimes I feel down

So close to the ground

I could be falling down a hole

Oh God, I call on you

For these moments of sadness

Oh God, I call on you to carry me through

Pull me back up, like you never fail to do

Give me Strength that only you can

Strength by your Grace

To carry me through

Pulling me up now, I feel you my Lord

You never forsake me

God, you never let me go

Thank you for carrying me when I am my weakest

Thank you for keeping me from giving up

That is not an option

Oh God, I do love him

I pray for a miracle.

I pray for him to be healed by your hand.

I love him.   I love him.

But, I do know this, Lord

He belongs to you.  He is yours God.

He is yours, He’s not mine.

I want him, oh, I want him

But God, he has been yours from his creation

Created by you.

Since his birth he has belonged to the Good Lord Above

Just like me and all others, your children we are.

And God, your Will shall be done.

Each life, Each soul, belongs to the Almighty God

In the Heavens Above.

God I want him to stay here, if you could just change your mind….

But, that is not my place, I can only tell you we would be blessed

If you would heal him

Blessed, we would be if your will was to save him

Leave him on this earth

I pray for a Miracle, God, that only you can give

Give us what we need and I honor your will to be done.

So, By the Grace of god Strengthen me for whatever comes.

I want my sweet husband here oh Lord.

But, if you need him…….

I still hope and pray for a Miracle Father.

Strengthen my family, like only you can.

by the Grace of God, Strengthen us oh Lord,

With the Grace that you give.




I am not sure why I have become so scared of judgment based on my own writing.  I can’t keep that up and I won’t.  Writing helps me get through hard times in life.  I know uplifting things that are written are so much better than negative things.  But, my life is full of emotion right now.  Sometimes I feel things that are positive, hopeful, and uplifting and other times I just feel like falling apart.  But, “I AM HUMAN”…  Yes, I am.  I am allowed to feel hopeful and I am also aloud to feel scared and hurt.  So, I’m not trying to please anyone.  This isn’t a contest, competition, or any such.  This is my place to write when I feel down, depressed, fearful, happy, hopeful, cheerful, or whatever.  I have the right to deal with my husband’s cancer with good days and bad days just as I am sure anyone dealing with this does.  Coping with this serious of an illness is NOT EASY and I am still hopeful and still praying for a miracle.  But, honestly, some days it is really hard to face and that is OKAY.  IT IS OKAY.  “I AM HUMAN”.  If this helps me, I don’t care what others think of my feelings because I AM ALOUD TO GET THROUGH THIS MY WAY, which isn’t so unordinary.  A roller coaster of emotions is to be expected when facing cancer with your husband and young children.  My husband has cancer and I am coping and dealing with it healthily. Some days are good and some days are bad.  But it is a journey that can only be taken ONE DAY AT A TIME. AND I AM STILL PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE EVERY SECOND OF THIS DIFFICULT JOURNEY.  

They are planning to try this on my husband

Friday, 26 April 2013
ST. LOUIS – Interventional radiologists at Saint Louis University Hospital have a new alternative for liver cancer patients with Yttrium-90 (Y90) radioembolization, infusion of radiation impregnated beads therapy directly targeting cancer cells without an external beam.

In the procedure, radiologists infuse a high dose of tiny microscopic beads called radioisotope Yttrium-90 into the liver tumor through a catheter in the groin. The beads are trapped inside the tumor bed and directly destroy and kill cancer cells.

“We are able to go right into the tumor bed with no collateral damage to healthy tissue,” says Rotimi Johnson, MD, interventional radiologist at Saint Louis University Hospital and a SLUCare physician. “The particles target only the tumor.”

The beads decay inside the tumor over a period of two weeks.

Traditional radiation therapy is most commonly delivered by external beam radiation. Patients lie down as machines target the cancerous tumor. However, as the radiation is delivered from outside, it comes into contact with healthy tissue in the body.

“It’s a significant difference from radiating from the skin surface,” says Dr. Johnson. “This is all internal.”

While the concept to deliver internal radiation through brachytherapy is not new, Y90 radioembolization is relatively new to the medical landscape. The outpatient procedure is for a growing population of patients with advanced stage liver cancer.

“This is for patients with metastatic or primary liver tumors,” says Dr. Johnson. “It’s been well tolerated by our patients and they’ve been doing really well.”


About Saint Louis University Hospital

Saint Louis University Hospital is a 356-licensed bed quaternary/tertiary referral center located in the heart of the city of St. Louis. Approximately 75 percent of patients are drawn from a 150-mile radius. Through affiliation as the teaching hospital for Saint Louis University, the hospital provides patients and their families with an environment of medical innovation. Working in this endeavor are the hospital’s medical staff partners, SLUCare, the physicians of Saint Louis University. The hospital admits more than 17,000 patients annually, performs more than 200 organ transplants a year and is a Level I Trauma Center that treats more than 2,000 major trauma cases a year. For more information, please visit



I am having a hard time accepting my husbands condition is incurable. Sometimes I don’t know how to express this feeling. Going from one extreme to another. He seemed fine and suddenly he had terminal cancer and does not seem fine at all. I am scared. I just want to find a way to fix it. This is an experience I have not found a way to express because it is soooo deep, painful, unexplainable. I’m trying to come to terms with it myself.